Is He Really Emotionally Unavailable?

The myth is that men are emotionally unavailable. Emotionally inept. Detached. Aloof. Shut down.

 

They truth is that men are as deeply feeling as you, AND they absolutely want to connect with YOU!

 

So, what the heck is going on with your man not being able to connect with you?!

 

Why does he seem so shut down and unresponsive?

 

I’ve had so many men tell me that they so badly desire to open up to their woman!

 

I just had a man call me today for help because he’s gotten the same feedback from the women in his last several relationships that he’s hindering connection because of his fear of intimacy. 

 

He’s obviously in the minority of men who take decisive action to fix this problem.

 

But, what I’ve learned from working with many men over the years is that they hate to disappoint you.

 

 

Many men have also told me they were shamed for having “weak” emotions as boys: “don’t cry!”. This is really sad. They’ve had to shut down that part of themselves. 

 

What I’ve learned is that conflict with you is really, really hard on them—they just feel so awful inside when they feel they aren’t “good enough” for you.

 

They get really riled up inside when you fight. And it takes them a lot longer to calm down than it does us women.

 

So, they tend avoid talking about anything that may lead to a fight!

 

I can’t tell you how many times my husband used to tell me “I can’t say anything right!” Or, “anything I say, you take it the wrong way or twist it all around--that's not what I meant!” (My fears were running the show...)

 

Look, I’m not trying to defend your man’s bad behavior: him ignoring you; him snapping at you or being angry.

 

NONE of that is ok, and I know how much it hurts you. I felt absolutely dejected when my husband used to do those things.

 

I invite you to consider trusting he does care. That he does want to open up to you.

 

That even if it doesn’t seem like it, that you matter so much to him that he’s really afraid you’ll be disappointed in him again for not doing it right.

 

I invite you to be curious about what is happening inside him. 

 

Look for subtle cues; listen from a compassionate place.

 

My husband told me so many times, “I need you to be more compassionate towards me!”. I thought I was super compassionate...But, I really wasn’t getting it...

 

I finally got what he was saying. I worked hard on changing how I perceived him. On how I responded to him. On managing my emotional responses to him much differently.

 

 Now, he shares so much I sometimes can’t keep up with him! 

 

I want that for you. I want you to FEEL him reaching for you. 

 

Trust in his love for you, and magic will happen.