Do You Really Matter to Him?
The myth is that you really don’t matter to your man when your relationship is not working.
The truth is that it is precisely BECAUSE you matter so much that things have gotten off track, and you’re both caught in a negative cycle that makes you FEEL like you don’t matter.
I know it’s hard to believe, so I’ll ask you to read that above statement once more.
Our friends, the magazines and the relationship “experts” online tell us that if he’s doing this or that or NOT doing this or that, then it must be that you don’t matter to him and you should just move on…
Find a better match…someone who will REALLY love and respect you…
But, let’s slow things down and take a deeper look before jumping ship.
First, I can’t tell you how many women have told me they feel like they don’t matter to their man!
I can also honestly tell you I used to feel that way a lot, too.
So how and why does this happen to so many of us women?!
We infer it from many things that happened or did NOT happen:
*his tone of voice was curt
*his hug was half-hearted
*he didn’t make eye contact with me
*he didn’t say he loved me when I was hoping he would
*he went to bed early more and more
*he didn’t ask me what I needed from the store…
I’m sure you can rattle off your own list readily…
And, so, for me and the all the women I’ve worked with, we’re left with a FELT SENSE of not mattering to him.
We acutely FEEL his pulling away, turning away. His seeming disinterest and apathy.
And, I’m going to say it again: IT IS NOT TRUE!
It is so disheartening to me how many relationships just get more disconnected and end because we BELIEVE this to be true. We think this is the real problem…
What is really happening is that the totally normal fear of not mattering is sabotaging the relationship. All the moments you perceived him as uncaring have piled up and are now preventing you from KNOWING you matter to him.
Because that has become the lens through which you experience him…
Unfortunately, what happens is the more you respond to him based on feeling like you don’t matter the worse it gets! (This is the vicious cycle.)
It sure did for me. I had to work really hard on turning this around. All the women I’ve worked with also worked hard on turning this around.
But, when you do, when you’re able to see the truth of the negative cycle and dare to trust in his love, magic happens.
When you show up in the relationship assuming he still loves you and that he is ALSO struggling (even if you totally can’t tell), because of this negative cycle, EVERYTHING changes.
Wouldn’t it be worth it to conquer that cycle and get your love back?
To connection,
Heather
PS: If you'd like to conquer the negative cycle sabotaging your connection so you can get back to loving and know and feel like you matter to your man, book a Breakthrough to Connection call with me.