Are You Waiting for Him to Change?
A big problem that keeps women from getting the love and connection they want is waiting for him to prove his love, to change, to take action
TO SHOW YOU THAT YOU MATTER TO HIM!
TO KNOW THAT HE GETS YOU!
I get it:
You’re very hurt because you’re not getting anything:
--can’t feel his heart opening up to you
-don’t see on his face and in his eyes his love for you
-don't hear his words of reassurance and soothing acknowledgement of the pain he’s caused you
You’re not getting much from him in the way of actions of love, caring, concern because he’s not doing anything to demonstrate it...
And, I want to acknowledge that you’ve tried already on your end to fix the problem. You feel like you’ve done all the emotional heavy lifting. So, of course you want and need him to finally do something!
I thought that way for a long time, too, and so have all my clients...
BUT HERE IS THE RISK IN STAYING IN THAT THINKING:
The longer you wait, dig your heels in or insist on getting something from him, the more you shoot yourself in the foot!
Because, guess what? You’re both stuck in a negative pattern together.
And as long as you’re focused on him as the cause, him as starting it, him as him deficient, defective and incapable of feeling, etc., you’re going to get more of the same.
I know this sounds harsh! And, if you stay stuck in this way of thinking, it IS HARSH. Your marriage is dying every day.
It’s so hard on your heart. It is so freakin’ lonely. It is physical painful because you ache so much to be seen, to be deeply heard, for him to really deeply get how much he has hurt you and continues to hurt you every day that he isn’t there for you emotionally and maybe physically, too.
I am NOT saying you shouldn’t feel hurt, angry, sad, scared, resentful—all your feelings are valid!
What I AM saying, though, is that if you stay in the place of wanting HIM to take the lead, to fix his errors, and to begin to somehow just start showing up, I have bad news:
it’s not going to happen.
Here’s why: he’s stuck, too. Even if you can’t see it, he’s hurting, too. Even if it seems he doesn’t care, that he has no feelings, he’s lonely, too.
He may just be a lot better at hiding it than you. He may deal with his pain completely differently. And, what if he really is overwhelmed by all those feelings because precisely BECAUSE YOU MATTER SO MUCH??
How do I know this is likely?! So many men have told me! Is this an excuse or an easy out for them? Absolutely not.
But, let’s get back to you. You want things to change NOW in your relationship. And as long as you stay focused on what he is or isn’t doing, you’re losing time, energy and your own power of taking action to GET THE LOVE YOU WANT.
If you take 100% charge of your 50% of whatever happens in your negative dance together, you will transform your relationship, because it’s is inevitable that things WILL get better because when one person changes for the better, the other one benefits and follows you into the goodness.
SO, WHO REALLY CARES HOW YOU GOT THERE?!
When you’re in bed cuddling after making love and looking into each others' eyes and feeling seen all the way into your soul, are you seriously going to give a crap about who went first?
So, the important things to take away from this are:
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It is a choice to stay stuck waiting for him and blaming him when he doesn’t change/take action/get it.
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This will keep you firmly stuck in a negative cycle.
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You will feel worse and worse and the pattern will get worse.
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It is harder to get out of this rut because it becomes all you can see.
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You give your power away and don’t realize it.
What you can DO now:
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Accept you have a choice.
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Acknowledge you don’t know exactly what his experience is
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Assume that he is hurting, too.
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Decide that you’re going to do something different for YOU because you deserve love.
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See your opportunity to make changes as a “get to” vs “have to".
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Take action to learn the proper connection mindset, heart set and skill set that will get you the connection you want!
If you want to get out of the rut and stop waiting for him to change and take charge of getting the relationship you want, book a breakthrough to connection call with me today.