#1 Mistake that Keeps You Disconnected!
The #1 thing I hear from women all the time when it comes to how to get the relationship you want—the connection, intimacy, and compassion from your partner—is that he needs to step up and do HIS work. That it takes TWO. That women shouldn’t have to do ALL the work!!!
My question for you: If this is your mindset, how is it working for you?
I actually agree with you: it shouldn’t HAVE TO BE THAT way. I wish it weren’t.
AND, it’s also true that it doesn’t have to be unless YOU CHOOSE TO SEE IT THAT WAY.
Because the truth is, you just cannot get him to change by:
- blaming
- criticizing
- pleading
- getting upset
- avoiding
- ignoring, etc.
- hoping
- waiting
- wishing
- explaining
- requesting
- making agreements/a plan
Because, if that worked, things would be swell already.
But, he responds to all that by:
- ignoring you
- getting angry at you
- avoiding you
- focusing on other things
- not wanting sex with you
SO, why would you keep doing the same things if you’re not getting what you want?
All of these types of behaviors just get you more and more stuck and more and more hurt because they stem from your reptilian protective brain that keeps you both in fight or flight mode (which eventually leads to numb and apathetic mode).
You HAVE to get out of fight or fight mode and focus on the real problem: the underlying fears and yearnings that need to be attended to!
So, here’s the truth: if YOU want something different, you have to DO something different.
You have to get out of this negative feedback loop where you’re both just acting out your primitive defend-blame cycle.
If you want to be with him and you want a great relationship WITH him, then you take a stand FOR YOU: you’re not doing it FOR him, you’re doing it for YOU and your relationship.
If you wait for him to do it, how long will it take? What if he doesn’t do it the way you want? What if he NEVER does it? Are you going to just continue to live without a robust, passionate and joyful relationship? That is a slow death of your heart, your vitality…
If you had the kick-ass relationship of your dreams with your man right now, would you really give a crap HOW you got there? I think not.
So, my invitation to you is to EMPOWER yourself and STOP staying stuck in the disempowering mindset of whose fault it is for where you are now. It only takes ONE of you to get unstuck, because you are a system of two: if one person changes how they’re showing up in the relationship, the system changes. Period.
It’s high time for you to have the love you deserve. How to do that? You empower yourself by embracing a connection mindset—learning about how connection works to see your relationship in a whole new light. You learn what not to do to create disconnection and exactly what TO DO to create, and sustain, connection with new skills.
BUT, this journey isn’t for everyone!
You have to be decisive: no matter what, right now you’re going to get the relationship you want and do whatever it takes.
You have to be committed to the process: show up every day for yourself, follow through, be tenacious and compassionate to yourself and your partner. as you venture into new places in your heart and the hurt places longing to heal.
You have to be coachable: open to feedback of a mentor who will challenge you to stretch, grow and face whatever block you may encounter as you grow AND allow your mentor to walk alongside you each step of the way to hold you accountable and emotionally support you.
If this woman is YOU, I invite you to book a call with me today.
XXOO,
Heather